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        morninglaurie  71, Female, Indiana, USA - 9 entries
    19
    Aug 2010
    7:05 AM EDT
       

    Living in Poway

    August 19, 2010 It`s been exactly one month since I have written. I am in San Diego (Poway). I haven’t gotten hired by The Poway Unified District….yet. I am going over there today to finish turning in my paper work, it really matters what Bill Chiment says and I am praying that he will remember me and hire me back. Bob left this morning and I have lots of emotions I am feeling at the same time….scared, excited to try it on my own, relieved that I am going to Living Way, abandoned because this house is sooooo important him, guilty and remorseful because I left his dream. Still what is done is done and I think I should try and do my best. Yesterday my Mom started pulling this routine of how a man feels when he builds his bride her dream home and it’s every man’s ideal to do that…..grrr. This is where my guilty comes in to play. But I would have died there….I already had my cherry pit plan in motion to end my life. If my life has no value, only Bob’s then what the heck am I hanging around for? So Clara says I will learn a lot about myself living alone (well Andy is here). The first thing I have learned is that I was taught to always think of the other person first, but it was never balanced with any kind of self-preservation or balance. So it was alright to be abused, cheated on or taken advantage of because you don’t want to hurt the other persons feeling……aha moment! How do I adapt this information….I don’t know! I start to today with Weight Watchers point count. I need to stay under 21 points.
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        alabrat  58, Female, Tennessee, USA - 6 entries
    18
    Aug 2010
    2:50 AM CST
       

    It isn't over, just different


    What can I say?� You were my knight in shining armor.� My rescuer.� You found me just a shell of a person.� Someone who experienced no love, just routine.� No appreciation, just routine.� No excitement or happiness, just routine.� And you changed it all.� My heart raced just to hear from you each morning.� Sweet little notes scattered in cyberspace, unexpected nothings.... were somethings.� You held all that I had hoped love could be, but had become resolved that it just wasn't.� You changed my world and rocked my foundation.� You helped me find me again.� I had lost myself in all those other labels we and society give us; wife, mom, executive director, manager, etc.� I was me again.�� It felt wonderful.� I'd found love.�

    But somewhere along the way, somethings became less important.� Conversation. I love you.� Time spent together.� Conversations about nothing... us.� And we too have fallen into the "routine".� There is no importance in the things that we used to spend hours with.� The nothingness that was just you and me, in our love.� That sweet "nothing", "nothing" but us.� The world is with us now and we are less important.� We move through the motions and do what the other expects... most of the time.� We find ourselves standing on the edge and not worrying if it matters to the other.� And sometimes we cross the line.� But without guilt, because, those little things just don't matter anymore.� So what if we miss that time together..... there is tomorrow.� So what if I don't get to call.� Nothing would have been said in that conversation anyway.� It's about work, and stupid drivers and the heat of the summer.� It isn't about my love.� It isn't important.� And so, the conversations aren't either.� We were only love... and that made us grand.� Something neither of us knew.� We had only known the motions.�

    And here we are..... in the motions.
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    1 comment(s) - 08:40 PM - 08/20/2010
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        MeaganLee  35, Female, Wisconsin, USA - First entry!
    16
    Aug 2010
    6:33 PM EDT
       

    Why I Write

    I write because I would go insane if I didn't. I write because it's an addiction, a habit. I write because the dream to publish will never happen unless I write! I write because creating characters—people—in my head is exciting; Crazy serial killer? Spunky college student? What's next? I write because it's a release of emotions. I write because anyone can put together a sentence, but I want to be the one who can change the world with my writing. I write because I'm the ruler of my writing; it's the one thing that NO one can change. I write because I'm a rather…opinionated woman. I write because it's fun.
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        loveless101  29, Female, California, USA - 16 entries
    15
    Aug 2010
    9:04 PM EDT
       

    i dont like mei family

    i dont like mei family.. well... most bc they are annoying and trublesome.. i mean 1 of them almost ripped out mei bellybutton bc he thought it wuz a real button.. u know the 1s that are on sweaters!!!! it was baaaaaddd!!!!!!
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        loveless101  29, Female, California, USA - 16 entries
    15
    Aug 2010
    9:12 PM EDT
       

    dear diary, sometimes i dont know what love or even happiness means anymore. i mean.. why do we need happines and love in our lifes???? why ???? can sum1 plllz tell mei. bc i thought i knew why but... i gust dont know anymore!
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        keonyama96  31, Female, Kansas, USA - 191 entries
    15
    Aug 2010
    6:33 PM EDT
       

    1st day pf school tomorrow
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        kate  57, Female, United Kingdom - 11 entries
    14
    Aug 2010
    8:48 PM GMT
       

    Waxed my chest and arms. Friendly chat with Claire House of House Creations. Suggested I carry on waxing for the moment - no electrolysis yet. Appointment in 6 weeks for another waxing.
    Tags: wax
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        kate  57, Female, United Kingdom - 11 entries
    14
    Aug 2010
    7:17 AM GMT
       

    Visiting sister today. First got to work in house, then borrow ladders, then get to the allotment, then to House Creations and Claire, then to sister's. Busy day. Depending on how much I'm glowing after the house, ladders and allotment work, I might need to shower and change before heading off to Commonside.
    Tags: wax
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        kate  57, Female, United Kingdom - 11 entries
    14
    Aug 2010
    7:11 AM GMT
       

    Wondering whether to get my arms waxed too.
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        charlax  71, Male, Arizona, USA - 744 entries
    13
    Aug 2010
    4:44 PM MST
       

    ANswers

    ANswers Yes. We start with faith in god in GOD in god is dead in GOD as Jesus Christ. One without division the other the Lord of Chaos. One has the ANswers to every life question the other one shrugs his wings and walks away. Promises for this life promises for the next life as well as this one promises the other god nothing material ever comes. Chase after riches and death is all the devil gives you. My Holy boat is full of fish to give you. My poor bucket has oil to pour continuous. My brass feet are shod with preparedness. My old face the visage of Christ. Eye reap but never sow eye gather and have the baskets full the bread and fish are falling off the table. My Health is terminal illness. My heart goes on so full of love she loves me she loves me she comes to me and tells me so. Here is the Silver in the GOlden Goblet here is the ANswer that you seek. GOD is LOVE. Fear is the key to finding Jesus but once you are there where he is at the fear will leave you. Life is being added unto death. As eye sit and wait for love to find me eye seem to lose my past into the spear thrust in my side. Eye feel the pain he took inside me to bring me life
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